Black holes and other absurdities....

People talk about black holes like they really know what they are, but rarely, do they understand them.  It's a theory that astronomers and scientists may debate and speak on like its fact, but the thing is, no one has really PROVED there are black holes in space. However, I have experienced one personally!

I have seen people with black hearts, black souls, and even a few running in the black.  I have even experienced a few black inky nights where I could not see my own hand in front of my face, but a black hole?  I have been shopping on Black Friday, and I have been working on Black Friday(two VASTLY different angles on the same event!).  Still, did not experience a black hole till.....

I was going through a rough patch in life, jobs were hard to come by, my home had been damaged in a hail storm, the insurance company slow to respond, my Dad died, my dog died, and my health took a spin on the roulette wheel and I was on the losing end!

During that sad time in life, I also began to experience some issues that required more testing and as part of that process, I was sent for a Vag Scan.  If you have ever had one, you know just how invasive they are.  And I might add, no dinner, flowers or kiss is involved.  It's not very romantic, but it is a bit of a clinical experience most of us would prefer to skip and not really repeat, unless, you were like me, in need of more info and possibly an answer as to why a grown woman in her 50's would suddenly come out of menopause after 7 years contentedly enjoying it!

The scan showed a black hole in the lining of my uterus, such as it was.  Everything looked liked a striated steak, except a small black hole.  THE ENEMY!  It looked odd, there all by itself, and for all the symptoms I was experiencing, it seemed rather small to be causing all that trouble.  Surely there was more to this, then THAT!  But in looking carefully at the black hole, I began to appreciate the monster growing inside me was actually a pretty big hole and probably going to be a big deal!  That black hole was going to upset my apple cart as surely as Carter had pills!

It seemed to make everybody start talking in hushed tones, quit smiling and laughing and put everyone on edge and look at me funny!  I sure didn't like that very much at all!  All I knew was this little black hole was making a lot of people very nervous and that made me nervous!  It seemed absurd that something the size of my thumb print could be THAT big of a deal, you know, UNLESS, it was something more!

As it turned out, it was something much, much more!  It was quickly biopsied, twice just to be sure they had a good piece of it, and within hours, the results sitting on the doctors desk, and my Mother and I standing there with our eyes akin to deer with their eyes caught in the headlights!  It wasn't good at all!  Surgery was quickly rolled out as the only option, with more to be discussed once the black hole was excised and dissected and the pathologist brought in to examine it.  And oh, we are taking EVERYTHING that isn't nailed down in there....say good bye uterus, Fallopian tubes, ovaries and just to be extra sure, we are also taking your cervix.  Well, OK, I wasn't really using them anymore anyways!  TAKE IT ALL if you want to!

And so they did.  Within 72 hours, I was on a surgical table, being wheeled into surgery, WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM!  Afterwards, I was informed all went well, they got it all, it hadn't perforated the uterus, and yes, it was confirmed as cancer, even though the biopsies had proclaimed pre-cancerous, it was such an aggressive form, that it had already turned into cancer on what had not been touched during the two biopsies.  WOW!  Lucky me!

In a funny way, I felt like not only had part of me been gutted like a fish, but that I had also dodged a bullet.  Life would feel different and I would feel as if something was missing for about 6 months after, before regaining myself again!

There was the black abyss of emotions that followed having a total hysterectomy, because even though I had pretty much sailed through menopause, this was a complete dry up of hormones, they stole everything that could produce one there!  So now I got to experience what they call a hard menopause!  Yea ME!  Not a fun ride, but considering the alternatives, I guess I counted myself fortunate, I did not have to have follow up treatments, no chemo, I was golden!  So I just pushed through and made my way to the other side and counted my blessings.  Oh and by the way, your chances of getting breast cancer now go up dramatically and you will need to follow up on that for....well.....the rest of your life!  Pay the cashier on your way out!

My black hole resulted in things coming out of it, and in space, I understand the theory is, that it sucks everything into it!  But then, I suppose its ones perspective on black holes and their understanding of what one is.  In my case, it took things away from me, most, I easily have lived without, not really making that much of a difference in my life, but in some measure, it made a huge difference in my moods, my feelings and most of all, on how I now view the world and life within it!  The good thing is, I am still here, I am still standing and I am still without signs of cancer!  Yea ME!

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<a href="https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/black/">Black</a>

The fight of the NEOPHYTE

It seems life is always throwing me curve balls. There must be someone, or something, or some reason for all of this.  When I am at church, it is GOD, and in moments of aloneness, I know there is a God.  But for the day to day life, it just seems so.....so RANDOM!  It rarely goes too long on a good path, or a bad path for that matter, but the detours, well, now, that's a whole different thing!  Those seem to go on and on!

For now, I seem to be riding a high wave of all kinds of job offers and that is almost blowing my mind, since I have been in a job desert for some time now.  Almost unemployable due to my advanced age and total lack of value being an old broken down, used up mare!  Or so the job market has been saying, since I could not even get a call back saying "No!  We do not want you!"  Yes, that's BAD!  But back to the job offers!

See, I have this manager with one of the companies that I have worked for, for over 4 years.  She comes, she goes, but she never STAYS GONE!  Like a bad penny, she just keeps showing up!  Why?  Because she can!  Why?  Because she is mean as dirt and frankly, I must have kicked sand in God's face on Sunday or something!  Because because because I said so!  I no sooner hook up with a lovely, nice, kind manager, and 6 months later, I am back on the dirtbags team again!  So, recently, I got the message from my ever so sweet, kind lovely manager of the month, that she was leaving with her newly acquired husband and moving to NC and therefore, her territory would be divied up and I would once again, wait for it, be tossed back into the pits of Hell ....uh....I mean back on TAMMY'S team!  I know the drill!

So there I was, no one could tell me who....but I KNEW WHO!  They made me wait for it.  They eased her in this time, sure, just filling in till they found someone, they said....but there she was, fill in of the worst kind!  Just till she could take it back over and make me suffer.....slowly.....surely....completely.  My jobs began to dry up, no more incoming work, and if there was some, well, it was the dregs!  It was long drives, hateful work, early hours, late into the night, working with other discontents in the same rotten boat as me!  But this time, I decided to fight back!

Yes, little old broken down mare still had some kick left in her, and kick I did!  So what if I got fired?!  What?  Like at 60 I would die from the shame?  Not likely!  Starvation, maybe, but shame????  NEVER!  I have seen myself naked, others have seen me naked, if that didn't kill me, or others, it wasn't going to now either!  So anyways, I began by marching up the food chain of managers, her highness included.  And then I made a beeline right into the heart of HR.  I shot off a complaint, a concern, an issue!  What did I have to lose?  A job with no hours?!  I LAUGH!  Ha ha!

I also began sending off righteous resumes, touting myself as all that and a bag of chips, no matter what SHE THOUGHT!  I thought different!  Low and behold, after 4 resumes and job apps, I was spent!  I crawled off to bed to await my fate.  I knew there would be no calls backs,  We have been on this road for many, many, many years.  No one wants to hire a tired old horse!  No matter how useful she still is, they want a younger, more plyable and less health expensive option and that is 1/3 her age!  This was going to be a bumpy ride.....CLICK SEND!

I got a call the following morning, I had a 1/2 hour phone interview, and then an invite for a face to face the following day!  I breezed through it, they offered full time employment and just to whet the whistle, a $1 than the witch was paying, and a full benefits package.  Be still my beating heart!  I was reveling in that I was wanted, for once, in a very long time!  Steady girl....this is a fluke!  Don't get too full of yourself!

The next morning, there was an email, another company wanted me, they wanted me BAD!  Oh sure....only paid $2 more an hour than the slavemaster I was presently working for, but I'm up for it!  And they only had a few hours, here and there, but it was steady, it was close by, and I was happy!  I was ecstatic!  I mean they really liked me!

But then, another email......yes, they wanted to TALK to me!  What?  MOI????? How about Tuesday, what time was good for me?  Oh YES, Tuesday is fine!  10 am works!  How about you!  Will call you at 10 am then!  The phone interview was pure joy!  Easy questions, the answers were perfect and well received!  Kicked up to the hiring manager, wanted to SKYPE?  OMG!  They must have thought I was 20, maybe they had read my birthdate wrong?  Maybe I had typed it in wrong, after all, this was done in the middle of the night after a very long and arduous day of foolishness with her highness.   Now they would see how old this dog was!  Oh well, I could use the practice!  SO WHAT!  Let them look!

The SKYPE interview didn't happen, she simply called me, the technology having eluded her, she simply phoned!  Oh, and after I had gotten my 8 yo great nephew on the horn to ask him what my SKYPE name was and where was it on my phone?  He had to walk me through the steps before bedtime.  He thought I should reschedule and pick him up from school and he would be there to save my bacon and not let my limited technological inexperience show!  But, some how, I managed to wow her too!  WHOA!  I was on a roll!  They wanted me too!  And the money tree was shaking out and extra $4 more an hour than that old battleaxe!  Hmmmmmm......this was getting interesting!

But the real problem was still there, now HR was involved, and did I mention, one of the jobs was within the very company I was locked into mortal combat with?  Yes, that call came in from HR, having reviewed my complaint, my concern, my rage against the establishment, was being investigated, because they were concerned for me, the company and all the bad, horrible publicity it would cause if it were found to be true.  They wanted to get her side of it, of course, so get her side, I have already heard it a few times, but I'd like to hear what YOU think when you hear it and see if it sounds to you, like it sounds to me?  But in the meantime, could I please just hold steady?  Oh sure, its not like any of the jobs started for a bit, one wanted a full back ground check, one wanted a full blood panel, you know, just in case I was on the crack pipe when I sent in my resume!  And yet another was requesting an MVR, a drug panel and proof of vehicle insurance!  Plus, I had to give notice to the witch, and at this point, WHY?  There was NO WORK!  But still, I needed to stall for time, as really, I was not capable of handling ALL those jobs, and I wasn't sure who would fall out and which offer might dry up, so I was playing it really cool!

I do not remember any in past memory being shy about letting me know (if they called at all, I mean) that they had 3000 applicants for the sewer rats job at $7.45 an hour!  So why should I volunteer I was considering all my options and just waiting for God to usher me where He knew I would thrive?  So why say anything?  Keep all options open till you hear the cash register ring!  A couple sent it in writing, a couple are pending, waiting for all checks to come back that I am not Osma Bin Ladens cousin, or on the No Fly List, the FBI doesn't have me flagged and yes, I am able to work here in this country, heck I was even born here!  And give me a minute, I can pass the drug screen, probably, in my sleep!  Well, more than likely!  Well, we will just wait and see and make sure I didn't get some sort of contact high from the kids next door, that's my story and I am sticking to it!

So here I was, Belle of the ball!  For one moment, caught up in that I knew for sure, I wasn't going to be eating her cocktails of BS and disdain anymore and no longer having to be ticked off about her complete lack of civility towards me, despite having always done my job, never having been late or having missed a job in all my time with her or anyone else in that company! 

HR called back again, they had her oral version, they were going to continue to follow up and they would be checking into the records further to confirm or deny what was being said.  They noted she claimed I was turning down work.  Despite my denial, I realized, yes there were two, an hour away from me, no paid drive time, no paid mileage, for 30 minutes each, really?  So I explained myself, yes, two....financially unfeasible jobs for me to drive two hours to get paid for 30 minutes, plus to eat the gas and wear and tear on my vehicle, was this a problem?  Not for me!  For her, apparently!  But I didn't care!  And I told them so.  I also said I wanted them to KNOW, I was looking for anywhere but HER team.  The HR girl felt sorry for me, asked for the job number I was trying to scootch into.  She could hook me up, make a recommendation and get me out the door of Tammy the Terrors Team!  She could see I had never failed in all my time with them!  Even Tammy couldn't overcome THAT!  So now, the fourth offer fell into line.....still waiting for the $$$ amount, but it matters not.  My time with Tammy is coming to an end, on my terms, and in the end, she did me a HUGE solid!  No more am I running on empty here, no more will I have to eat her crow!  No more will I have to suck it up and pretend it doesn't hurt!  The NEOPHYTE was no more!  Having learned her hard lessons, she was not looking back, but forward!

I'm riding a wave here....but waves are rarely long rides, so I shall make the best of my time in the sun here!  I will bask in all my glory as I type up an EPIC resignation letter, preferably one that drips sarcasm, acid and just a snots worth of gratitude, with just the right amount of smarmy undertones that only her black hole of a heart will appreciate and lets her know that she has just been served!  And in the end, my replacement will cost her well more than the pittance I was being paid, since those wages are slave wages, and by the looks of things, I could get more at Micky D's place serving up soda and fries!  So I shall type that up, save it to my hard drive so that I may relive it, over and over, and remember when I got so close to the sun!

Neophyte