Its late, I'm thinking.....

I'm thinking I have an appointment to go see the Doctor, its time to get this done and all the crying in the world isn't going to change it. I don't want to think about it and yet everyday, I do. First it was worrying about where the money would come from, then, what would I do if it was bad, I mean really bad, then I live with it being really bad.....and its going from bad to worse. All in my mind of course. Of course, when I go and see the doctor, it will be one peice at a time that they take it. No no I must not think about it.....its just too much to think about. It's better to focus on everything else....the house, the moving, the selling, the life I am not finished living. No its all too much to think about. This thing is like rust. Its on my face, its in my nose, its probably alot of other places I haven't even looked yet. I think of my Aunt Betty, diagnosed with lung cancer and never smoked a cigarette in her life, and then Aunt Pat, sick all her long life, only to come to the end with luekemia, I mean what the Hell is this? My Granny had it in her 70's-80's and they just took it off her face, no problem. I don't think it ever got this far. Why didn't I go sooner? Why didn't I sell the dog and get the money? Why did I ever let the sun touch my face? I mean having fair skin and red hair is just asking for it, isn't it? Anyways, its not good to sit up late thinking these things.....makes me scared. I hate being scared.